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PERSONAL, UNDILUTED VIEWS FROM TOM WINNIFRITH

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The Husband Application Form from Victoria

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- Tom Winnifrith

I find myself once again drawn to the blog of politically switched on first year student blogger Victoria by her article “Husband Application Form.” Before you accuse me of having John Peel-esque tendencies I stress that I read on only in the interests of research. Damn. That did not help Pete Townshend. Anyhow I digress.

I am, as it happens, not drawn to birds too young (or too old) to name all the members of Blur or to be able to remember where they wept the day Margaret Thatcher was ousted by the Euro traitors and where they celebrated the sinking of the Belgrano. So I did not bother completing the application.

Anyhow it is bloody long. But I bring you the first four questions with my answers in CAPS.

1. a) On roughly how many days in a 7-day week, would you ensure that you made me tea in the morning when I woke up? I AM SURE THAT TEA WOULD NOT BE THE FIRST THING ON YOUR MIND IN THE MORNING b) Making tea before you leave the house for me, so I just have to re-heat it when I wake up – is this something you can see yourself doing? WHAT MAKES YOU ASSUME THAT I HAVE A JOB REQUIRING 9-5 OFFICE WORKYOU SEEM A RATHER CONVENTIONAL YOUNG LADY. OR THAT YOU MERIT A LIFE AS A KEPT WOMAN?

2. You’re giving me a reading list of fiction books. Name three books that are on it. – THE FOUNTAINHEADAYN RAND – MY JOURNEYTONY BLAIR ( ONLY KIDDING) – SCOOPEVELYN WAUGH – 1984, GEORGE ORWELL

3. You’re giving me a non-fiction reading list. Name three books that are on it. – ON LIBERTY, JOHN STUART MILLTHE REAGAN DIARIESBADLANDS, BORDERLANDS A HISTORY OF NORTHERN EPIRUS AND SOUTHERN ALBANIA, DR TJ WINNIFRITH

4. Please complete the sentences using the appropriate word: they’re, there, their a) Look! Over THERE___! b) That’s not THEIR__ cat. c) I gave them a complaints form because THEY’RE_____ not happy.

Okay, rather flippant because I am not applying for the position. I really do not get this tea question at all although, as it happens I am a fairly good morning tea maker. It suggests that young Victoria has a rather traditional (small c) conservative view of the world. But someone under 30 who gives a damn about grammar and books and if you read further has an enlightened view about tax (theft), the role of the state (minimal), etc there’s an attractive novelty.

If I was 20 years younger and had a spare five hours to complete the application form ahead of inevitable rejection for not understanding the tea question…

If you are looking for the form it is here

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