There is good news. Since West Ham almost never win when I go to Upton Park you will be glad to hear that I am not attending today’s game (Kick Off 12.45). My tickets (Trevor Brooking lower) are with the Bard of the Boleyn, my disreputable pal Lucian Miers and an even more disreputable friend of his dragged from a gutter somewhere plus the (ultra posh) Goddess who makes the second visit of her life East of Canary Wharf. She seems to think that she might support Chelski (not knowing anything about football) but perhaps her second visit to The Academy might dissuade her. I do hope she does not scream an inappropriate comment at an inappropriate time.
The bad news is that despite my absence anything other than a Chelski win is very unlikely. Yes the team with no history and who really win fuck all this year, have chopped their manager and have had a dodgy streak for about six weeks. But though it pains me to say this about any team containing Fat Frank Lampard and the brainless offspring of a coke dealer and a shoplifter that is John Terry, but Chelsea are basically a high quality side. Ok the great race relations campaigner himself is injured but Chelski have a quality squad.
Worse still there are reports that Andy Carroll may miss the game with injury. With Vaz Te sidelined, I cannot see Maiga and Carlton Cole striking fear into the hearts of the Chelski defence. In the case of Carlton I wonder if, these days, he would strike fear into the hearts of the Chelski ladies team ( on the football field at least). Perhaps that is just a confidence thing. He has been a loyal servant and nothing would please me more than to see him score a hat-trick. I just do not think I shall ever see that happen with him in a West Ham shirt again.
If Carroll plays then he could throw up a surprise or two. At some stage I reckon that he will find a way of working with Jarvis on the wing which causes real problems.
Although we come of a two game losing streak we were unlucky not to get a point at Old Trafford and we have a talented midfield which is working well. The defence (these days) looks solid enough. And so there is no reason to be awed by Chelski. Any result is possible. I have this down as a 0 pointer but that is not a total given. If Carroll plays and we get an early goal and the crowd gets right behind the team and really irks some of the thicker and fatter Chelski players anything can happen.
Perhaps the ref might pretend that we are Man United for a game and just start sending Chelksi players off in a random fashion? If so, can he send Fat Frank off first? Okay, now I am dreaming. I expect 0 points. The next two games ( Liverpool and West Brom) are the critical ones. Anything today would be a bonus.