Bang her up – the 86 year old cheese maker & the Old Bill

For once it is not Kent Police who stand accused of being Fascist morons in Airstrip One. It is the Gloucestershire Old Bill, the force which failed to capture serial killer Fred West for so many years. But fear not citizens of Gloucester when it comes to real villains your boys in blue are on the ball.

Diana Smart is an 86 year old maker of cheeses. She makes the 3lb Double Gloucester cheeses that are rolled down Cooper’s Hill Gloucester in an annual ritual dating back to the 19^th century.

But the Old Bill do not approve. ‘elf n safey and all that. You see there has not be an official organiser since 2009 so what happens if someone attending the event of their own volition gets hit by a runaway cheese? Who to prosecute? Of course. The cheese maker. And so this poor old granny has been duly warned.

Jeepers. How about just putting up a sign saying “You attend the cheese roll at your own risk and if you are knocked over by a cheese, trip over a daisy, etc it is your own look out. There will be no Policeman on duty as they will all be attending a diversity awareness course, oops I meant to say out catching villains.”