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I am a car crashing fecking genius

Tom Winnifrith
Wednesday 25 January 2017

My father told each of his children and step children that, as he had far too much money, he was gifting us a sum of, I think, £2,000. I was the odd one out in that I was given £1,000 and my father's old motor to sell, an old banger worth, he reckoned, less than a thousand pounds. But at least I could drive it until I sold it although the process of selling was bound to be a pain and was something I dreaded.

So I just carried on driving until the day at the end of November that I was heading to Greece when I, for some reason, found myself slipping into neutral and stopping suddenly on the slipway onto the M32 here in Bristol.

A white van man hit me and a lady teacher hit the white van man. He was very cross with me but she was sweet as pie. My father was just glad that I was alright and accepted that the bad driving gene is my blood and that my mother was not to blame.

The back of dad's car was remodelled but I drove onto Heathrow via Woodlarks and all was well. Finally i have sorted out the car repairs and the bad news was today relayed to me: it is not worth repairing. Oh dear said I, as I prepared to call a recorded line as instructed by text. But then: oh joy of joys, apparently the scrap value after my father - who will now never drive again loses a no claims bonus - is £1600 to me.

Oh happy days. God looks after bad drivers such as myself in the most mysterious of ways.

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About Tom Winnifrith
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Tom Winnifrith is the editor of TomWinnifrith.com. When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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