Mars Inc – Run by Hypocritical Dickheads

Lawyers for Mars Inc have written to the owners of the Carron Fish Bar in Stonehaven Aberdeenshire warning it not to claim special status for its “Deep Fried Mars Bars” since this is a breach of the EU’s protected food scheme. They will not support this application because the deep fried bar is not healthy. What hypocritical dickheads.

I quote from the lawyers for Mars: “We are really flattered that customers of Carron Fish Bar like our product so much that it has now become a flagship product for the store No application for a protected geographical indication has been filed to date. Should an application be filed, unfortunately, we wouldn’t be able to support it as deep-frying one of our products would go against our commitment to promoting healthy, active lifestyles.“

Oh let the saints preserve me. Firstly when Mars Inc sells one of its bars to the Carron Fish Bar it ceases to become the property of Mars and becomes the property of Mr Carron. He should be able to do what he wants with it. If he wishes to batter it up and sell it to Scots with a wish to die an early death that is his call. How the hell should he describe it? A deep fried lettuce? Why not just say what is product actually is. This is how capitalism works. I buy something and then it is mine. What is so utterly complex about this?

But then we come to the commitment of Mars to promoting healthy, active lifestyles. By doing what? Sponsoring the England soccer team? Or by selling a bar which contains 260 calories, 34.6 grammes of sugar and 9.9 grammes of fat. Oh, that appears to be exactly what a Mars bar contains (I just checked at the newsagent). For reference if a woman eats one Mars bar a day that is c 1/6 of her recommended calorie intake, 70% of her daily recommended sugar intake and 33% of her recommended daily fat intake in one go. It will provide here with more or less no nutritional benefit at all.

A Mars a Day (even if not deep fried) does not “help you work, rest and play”, it just rots your teeth, and helps clogs your arteries and makes you fat. For the producers of this bar to blather on about a commitment to healthy living is such utter cobblers that only a lawyer (acting for a bunch of hypocritical dickheads) could say it with a straight face.