Naturally I rather hope that events in the Ukraine do not spiral into World War Three as I rather sense that this really would be the war to end all wars. And everything else. But always seeking solace of a silver lining in every nuclear cloud here are my ten looking on the bright side reasons for cheer.
- I do not have to worry about being on the hook for alimony for the next thirty years and any more sniping letters from lawyers.
- We can stop panicking about where to house the cats when we go on holiday this summer
- I will die vindicated in the belief that all that money the Government spends telling me that smoking will kill me was utterly wasted.
- As the planet goes into nuclear winter even the BBC and its sister paper, The Guardian, will stop banging on about global warming caused by man-made carbon emissions.
- My debate with the tax man over my 2013 tax return will draw to a close
- I will never again have to worry about West Ham getting relegated.
- Never again will I have to listen to arsehole England supporters singing “Swing Low” after the old enemy has defeated Ireland.
- Roy Hodgson will at last have a credible excuse for England not winning the World Cup.
- Nigel Farage will not be appearing on TV every five minutes to warn about how we are being swamped with welfare scrounging immigrants from Eastern Europe.
- As we wait for the final close I can scoff the last box of Christmas chocolates and drink a great bottle of Valpolicello that I have been saving without worrying about my blood sugar levels and the long term risks to my health.
It’s easy, I could think of another ten reasons to look on the Bright Side pretty quickly. Naturally I would rather that I did not have to.