3146 days ago
The lastest warning on why we must all either have no sex or safe sex tells us that if you sleep with ten people then, if you count back their partners and their partners former partners, etc etc it is the same as if you had slept with the entire population of Belfast. I contemplate this matter as I examine the twitter connections of someone who, I belatedly notice, has followed me.
The idea of sleeping with the whole of Belfast is profoundly worrying. It is not that you would not have some fun as you worked your way through 286,000 people. But I would have thought that images of Gerry Adams stripping of and striding across a bedroom towards you would be enough to put anyone off sex for life. Perhaps that is the hidden message from the public health campaigners.
As you are about to engage in a casual unprotected sexual encounter suddenly you will, going forward, find yourself thinking of St Gerry standing there with blood on his hands and wearing just his Y-fronts. "Gerry is that a kalashnikov or
4296 days ago
Sometimes I wear contacts. Sometimes glasses. I do not really like contacts so being almost blind as a bat spectacles are my vision corrector of choice. But they are bloody expensive in the UK. And so a few years ago I hit upon a wheeze of getting my eyes tested in Bangalore, India. My sight is no worse now than it was then and so all I need to do is wait for my ex girlfriend to go home to visit her folks and I can get new glasses.
Sadly she has not been home for some months during which time my current pair have more or less disintegrated. I “wing” is now held on with a thick roll of sellotape but still fell off last night and I cannot seem to find it. So right now my glasses are perched on my nose ready to fall off at any moment – hopefully at a time when I am hammering my ten letter keyboard rather than cooking up a stunning Linguine Manx at The Real Man Pizza Company.
But salvation is here.
The ex is back from a trip on Monday and brings with her two new pairs of glasses which will together cost less than one pair bought anywhere in the UK. I can’t wait.
